"The Rules," "Everything I Ever Needed to Know...," or Life 101. Just a few practical suggestions, such as:

• Drive extra carefully in parking lots. Amazing as it may seem, many of them are more hazardous than busy streets.

• An astute investment adviser is always good to know, but an honest, reliable plumber is even better.

• Don't feel obligated to have an opinion about everything. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I haven't made up my mind on that."

• Avoid imitating characters on TV shows. The back-and-forth banter on "The West Wing" is hip and entertaining, but in real life it's exhausting. You don't need to make a snappy comment every time you open your mouth.

• Never read a book or newspaper while walking down a flight of stairs.

• Aspiring writers should resist the urge to complain. We've all seen lists of "10 Things I Hate About Computers;" My Boss; School; Siblings; City Life. When I see a complaint list, my first thought is, "Been there. Read that."

• Stupid and ignorant are not the same. Ignorance can be changed. Stupid is forever.

• There may be a day when a person you believe is a complete fool will come up with a brilliant concept. Judge an idea on its merits, not its source.

• If you're having an argument with someone, name-calling will create more problems than it solves.

• Limit the amount of time you spend thinking about truly trivial issues - such as what song the ringer on your cellphone should play.

• You have a better chance of receiving help if you ask for it instead of demand it.

• Learning is a process that never ends. Anybody who tells you he's got the real world all figured out is only proving how much he doesn't have a clue about.

Not my version of Life 101

By Jeffrey Shaffer